The Little Things

Weekends for the lay people (lay as opposed to people who have a life) are NOT fun. Im speaking as one. I sit around doing nothing. I walk out to wash my car. I clean out my desk. I put on a cd. I wash my morning coffee cup. I call a friend. It went to voicemail (she has a life). I open the fridge. Two sausages in sight. I took sausages out. I put them in the sink.  I wait for them to defrost. I went to Youtube. No new funny videos. I googled 'depression'. Some medical link came up. I walked to sausages. Still cold and hard as corpse. I cursed. I switched on the TV. Oprah is talking. I threw the remote. I went back to depression website. No similar symptoms found. Walk to sausages again. They are soft. I turn on the stove. No gas.I died.

Hate her if you must but the Supra shoes are so 2011. Going to get a pair for Chinese New Year!

My friends went there to consult on their personal problems like health, luck and love. A shirtless skinny middle-aged man there then went into a trance, supposedly the Tua Ah Pek possessed his body to heal my friends. Then they all sat at the altar with the middle-aged man who has become Tua Ah Pek. He had now dressed himself in a long hat and a flowing white robe and shaking profusely while chanting. The consultation took place. Most of their problems were said to be caused by 'bad luck' and Tua Ah Pek jotted down their problems on a piece of red paper each and they were instructed to go into the open and repeatedly beat the red paper with their sandals while chanting 'I hit you, siau ren' (siau ren in mandarin for little men which means bad luck).

After that, comes the payment session. Of course, there were a million small coin boxes, all painted in red and decorated in the most elaborate lighting. The worker aunty(a healed volunteer i guess) guided my friends to each of the coinbox and told them to 'sui yen' (mandarin for give as much as u are willing to, no pressure). Not only coins in boxes, each were to give money in a red packet.

Mmy friend who has weakness in his right hand were told to rub his hand with a piece of 'gold paper' because apparently by doing so repeatedly could rub the weakness away (a chiropractor's nightmare) Then he asked the friend to go out and kneel towards the open night sky and he started to chant in a 'heavenly' language that we were not supposed to understand. The weirdest thing of it all is that the man in trance possessed by Tua Ah Pek could not walk but hopped around like the vampires you see in old Chinese movies. They all left  with a packet of plastic bag each containing some red paper, gold paper and a golden ball supposedly to give them luck and shun the devil.

I wish I had captured some pictures of the whole affair but I was too frozen and appalled to do anything. but i managed to google some pictures of Tua Ah Pek and Jee Ah Pek's statues and a trance session.

Had lunch with Veen and Kartik at an Indian place in town called Gem. Pricing aside, the food is quite good.

The red saucy dish is Paneer Butter Masala and it is divine. It is supposed to be cheesy but to me it tasted like soft  milky beancurd soaked in thick cream but marvellous nevertheless.

                            68 Bishop Street,10200 Georgetown. For reservations call 04-2624070

I am somewhat convinced that Mondays are made for morons. Weekends leftoever pleasures are still lingering, songs still playing in our minds, good food still swimming in our stomach(if u have constipatory problems, that is)and friend's conversations are still ringing in our ears as we drag our holidaying feet to the cold cold place we call the Workdesk. Phones start blaring, people expect things from you, coffee get cold, the computer gets slower and slower as your eyes getting smaller than Mulan, thoughts become dimmer and suddenly its lunchtime, a genius invention to torture working class to the max. Consider this; u get one hour, u walk to your car parked two blocks away and drive out to cruise for an ideal lunch place, by ideal i mean it has to be one which is near to the office, has parking space you can swirl your car into Bond-style, serves quick but delicious food, airconditioned, cheap, halal (if your colleagues are Muslims) and finally agreed unanimously by all lunchmates. Then u stand around like idiots waiting to be seated in packed smoky greasy cigaretty stuffed eating area, an affair which can easily take up to 10 minutes. Then you and the legion of colleaques will begin to order, good luck if they comprise of girls.

Girl 1 : I want sirap limau ice kurang manis.

Waiter : makan?

Girl 1 : today got wat special?

Waiter : today is nasi tomato with ayam merah.

Girl 1: Ok i dont want nasi tomato with ayam merah. Got nasi briyani?

Waiter: let me check(shouting across to the kitchen in Tamil %^&#*$% to ask whether got nasi briyani)Yes.

Girl 1 : give me one nasi briyani, kuah daging, tak mau minyak.

Waiter : with ayam merah?

Girl 1: Errrrr (turning to Girl 2 and ask) u wan share ayam merah with me, its too big, cant finish.

Girl 2 : ok la.

Girl 1: ok nasi briyani with ayam merah. cepat ya.

Waiter : No problem.

Then Waiter turn to Girl 2 and the cycle continues. By the time Waiter takes order from Girl 5, i received a call from the retirement home asking whether i want to enrol. I politely rejected because eventhough the year is 2035, i still have to eat lunch and i havent ordered.

15 years later, Waiter rushed to Girl 1 and declared 'sori briyani habis, nasi tomato ok?'

Girl 1: Ok, anything.

God help me.

I need this mop of hair please.My short spiky hair had been standing on my head since 1969 and i need a change!!!!
(photos from http://stylesalvage.blogspot.com/)

After starving myself to death for two weeks in line with new year resolution #2 (to shed some ugly weight), I found myself waking up in cold sweat craving breakfast in the forms of obscenely seductive, calorie-laden thick-sliced beef patti, greasy bacon, serious helpings of baked beans, soft poached eggs and melted cheese God help me.
Sigh, why the best things in life have to be either illegal, immoral or fattening?

Photos from the Breakfast Blog and http://russelldavies.typepad.com/eggbaconchipsandbeans/

Gay soldiers in US military can serve openly now. Federal judges are no longer persuaded that moral condemnation of homosexuality justifies governmental discrimination. Though now it is a victory worth celebrating, to me the idea that the gay man has to fight his way to fight for his country is rather appalling. This victory is a modern fruition that ripened late but nevertheless should see the eventual cultural shift to embrace wholeheartedly the 'autonomy of self that includes freedom of thought, belief, expression and certain intimate conduct'.

The much anticipated 'The Tourist' and it was a major let-down. Every single scene of Angelina Jolie is seemingly engineered to wow the audience with her Elegance. While no one can deny she is beautiful, overmanufacturing it becomes a turn-off; the perfect hair, the glow, the smile, ravishing dresses, the works urgghh. And i thought Johnny Depp could rescue the show but he is just the same old funny guy who is just endearing. The story line could be a little bit thicker for a gangster-spy movie and hello there are no explosions, believe me none at all!!!  Sometimes after a hectic day, i want at least something to explode or head chopped off or brains splattered but this one, none at all, how dare!!! At some point, I thought the movie is trying to be stylo-romantico  but it kind of simmers out and never achieved the arthouse effect. Less than 3, less than 3... that being said, if the success of the movie is ascertained by the number of times your jaw will drop to the floor upon seeing Angelina Jolie, then The Tourist is the Movie of the Year.

Work these days is taxing and it's not because of the load. Many of the clients sit and spill the ridiculously lengthy and unnecessary stories which i think they must have rehearsed at home.  All they really need to do is to tell us what is the legal issue and the relevant facts but most will comfortably launch into the description of every branch of their rainforest-sized family tree (Mary Anne is my sister's husband's cousin's baby son whom i never like cos he once broke Nelly's toy, Nelly is the favourite youngest offspring of my long lost stepdaughter's 2-year-old dog  with whom i reconciled but he eventually died). Some have family dynasty which can rival that of the Ching and Ming kingdoms of ancient China combined and especially in divorce cases, urghhhh I am being polite when i say divorce is akin to shit hitting the fan. At least when shit hits the fan, all you do is wipe. When divorce happens, someone is going to walk away from the courtroom penniless and the other one is apparently a biatch with a capital A. Always.

However, nothing beats this. Happened some days ago in the privacy of my office room.

After telling his story for 2 hours and 45 mins....

Client : So Mr Ooi, I am old enough to be your uncle. I see that your job as a young lawyer is rather                          interesting.

Me: Thank you, Im not yet a lawyer, its kinda internship now.

Client: My daughter is deciding to take up Chemistry in a university and has been offered scholarship. What do you think? Do you think i should advise her to study law?

Me : Ermm (me staring at the piles of files and unfinished affidavits layering my desk and the ticking clock) I think Chemistry is a right choice.

Client : i see... so back to our legal issue..................

That very moment, I felt like stapling things to his head.