How to Achieve Total Awesomeness

As of now 8.47 in the morning, I am plagued with :

Red Swollen Eyes from adulterating my poor eyes with third-world cheapo colour contact lens, which in pure distraught I tore into halves (lens, not eyes), albeit after swearing the most obscene of profanities in front of the bathroom mirror and an astounded sleepy-eyed mum. Sometimes it feels like the lens are gang-raping my eyes for 8 hours non-stop.

Hunger Pangs as a result of not eating for 3 weeks pursuant to 2011 resolution #4 in a serious attempt to look absolutely fabulous for Chinese New Year life. From the moment I woke up until now(about 54minutes), I have craved for (not the normal i-feel-like-eating kind of craving but more like crawling-on-the-floor licking-the-Pizza-Hut-brochures kind of craving) eggs and bacon, 3 inch grilled steak in BBQ sauce, chocolate brownie with chocolate topping, jumbo sausage and corn, peanut butter waffle, Japanese Garlic Fried Rice, Starbucks ice-blended anything, teppanyaki beef, tosai and a buffet lunch spread at E&O. arghh ok calm down, nothing tastes as good ad skinny feels, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. nothing taste......

Acne Attack who would have predicted that acne will follow you like a ghost into adulthood and beyond?  My face and back are populated by pimples, acne and all their relatives, forming together a large community. They even have their own Facebook account. 

Insecurities which come in the forms of physical loathing, periodic doubts about ability of self, low self-esteem which together manifest in me knocking my head against the wall repeatedly hoping all problems will be spun out of my mind.

Sleepiness which is not a novel problem to me anymore but one which is the root of all evil. when one is sleepy, one is not productive, lacks enthusiasm and lacks life. The only way to get rid of sleepiness is to sleep, but when one sleep, one lacks life as well. It was reported that Albert Einstein never sleeps more than an hour daily and he claimed that sleeping is a waste of time. Is there any consolation when Einstein looked like a wrecked train run over by a bigger wrecked train?

In such melancholy mode, I would say that to achieve awesomeness, one needs

  • perfect skin (one without blemish, white as snow, mattified, Robert Pattinsonish)
  • perfect metabolism which allows you to eat whatever, any where at anytime without the food going straight to your thighs and obtain permanent residency there
  • enough money to enable you to buy daily disposable color contact lens or eyes dazzling enough that can go naked
  • an awesome but thin self-help book that can be read in one sitting that can kill century-old insecurities
or failing all of the above, awesome Photoshop skills to correct all wrongs and evils in life. 

0 Response to "How to Achieve Total Awesomeness"

Post a Comment

powered by Blogger | WordPress by Newwpthemes | Converted by BloggerTheme