The Little Things

Past weekend poofed in a whirlwind of frenzy. Dieting efforts took a slow slide down the drain as I shamelessly participated in weekend pre-Chinese New Year foodfest which comprised of 9-course dinner(of which i ate 6), Manhattan Fish Market seafood platter for 2 which fantastically include all hardcore sins in Diet Bible like fried oyster, fish and chips, french fries, garlic rice and deep fried squids dipped in Tartar Sauce!) and a string of notorious(-ly sumptious obesity-inducing) Penang hawker foods.

I'm so fat I took a picture of myself last Christmas and its still printing.

My mother's eldest sister from Hainan China flew over for CNY, she has the most interesting Hainanese accent. I mean i understand perfectly every word of Hainanese but when she spoke, I thought i was at some earthquake refugee camp in ancient China. Mother was at ease(at times making fun) with my supposedly lousy grasp of the dialect but i was eager to prove myself. Which turned out bad. Very very bad.

Converstion Over Dinner
Aunt from Hainan : in mad-pure Hainan Do you have a girlfriend?

Me: oh.. uh ...rubs head..smiles in silly manner hoping my charming innocence will be the answer for every question i don't understand

Aunt from Hainan : trying to explaining in same mad-pure Hainan I mean is there a girl who you like?

Me : ooo..mmm making sounds resembling that of a parrot-buffalo-Shrek crossbreed in attempts to respond to a perfectly alien languange

Aunt from Hainan : Sigh, looking to a sneering Mother So..

Mother : in same mad-pure dialect No he does'nt have a girlfriend.

Aunt from Hainan: turns to me, mocks at my blur reddish innocent-turned-stupid face Ahh is there any wonder?

At that moment, I feel like stuffing her face with chinese dumplings but was quickly reminded of chinese piety and the fact that she is Mother's 74-year-old sickly sister who raised my mother and swiftly stuffed the dumpling in my mouth.